I’ve read a few books in my life – a vast majority of them in the last five years of my life. For a long time, I hated to read, but several years ago was challenged to read by Mike Reeve. Mike suggested that to not read for the purpose of becoming a stronger leader and more mature believer would be to neglect all that God had given to me. I agreed, and committed to begin reading. I’ve actually become quite fond of reading certain types of books – primarily ones on leadership and/or spiritual stuff. I’m currently reading a book that has been more timely than anything I’ve ever read outside of scripture. I’ve been at this place in life over the past several months in my life where I’ve felt a burning desire more than any time in my life to do something great for God. I don’t care what it is, I just want my life to count for as much as possible when I cross the threshold of eternity. Nothing less is acceptable. If you’ve been reading my blogs, you’ve probably already gotten this sense. The book I’m reading is called When God Waits. I would highly recommend it. It is written by Jerome Daley. The basic premise is that God often places a vision or a sense of destiny in a person’s heart, only to make him or wait until it is fulfilled. There are numerous examples in scripture of God doing this. Sometimes, people were given the vision, then waited for 25 years for it to come to pass. I feel like I’m in a period of waiting. However, while it is often frustrating, God uses the periods of wait in a very strategic manner. He works in our lives to develop and grow us, and to arrange pieces in our lives so that when the time is right, we can live into that destiny he’s placed in our heart. Often, the periods of waiting are as productive internally as the season of fulfillment is outwardly. It certainly sucks having to wait to experience all that God has placed in my heart, but I would have it no other way- I know it’s how God needs it to be. For that matter, I need it to be that way too!!
If there’s one area of my life that I know is in desperate need of improvement, it would be my eating habits. I skip breakfast, eat a small, carb-filled lunch, and usually eat enough dinner for two. I eat too many things that are unhealthy, but the bigger problem is my tendency to eat one giant meal a day, and not much else. What’s worse, I eat that meal at 7:00 at night. I’m aware of the need to change, but it is very difficult to break such a long-standing habit. What’s worse is that I have the same problem spiritually. I go for long periods without filling myself spiritually until I’m starving to be with God again. When I connect with him, I stuff my face with his presence. Fortunately, no one can over consume the presence of God. However, my tendency is to get filled, and then go a long time without eating again, living off of the feast that was once had. I know that’s not what God desires. He wants to connect with me on a daily basis, so that I never near the point of spiritual starvation. Just like the Israelites in the desert, who had to find manna each and every daybecause manna that was kept over night would spoil, I want to experience God every day. Unfortunately, long-standing habits are hard to break!
Recently, both of my children have taught me very interesting lessons. I love watching for spiritual truths that exist in my relationship with my children, and in the things they say and do. These are the lessons they’ve taught me lately:
Caleb – most people don’t really believe Paul when in the New Testament he says, “To live is Christ, to die is gain.” Over the past several months, Caleb has been nearly consumed with kung-fu, power rangers, super heroes, etc. This idea that generally speaking there are good guys, and bad guys, and they are in a never-ending battle with one another (yes – there’s even a deep spiritual application there, but that’ll have to wait for another day). Out of his make-believe battles between good and evil, someone always dies. I don’t think Caleb has the mental capacity to fully understand the concept of death. But, I was shocked to hear what he does understand. Recently, while in a public place, Caleb suggested that I was the bad guy, and he was the good guy … and that he was going to kill me and I’d be dead. I know he’s just playing, but at the same time want to make sure he understands the seriousness of life and death. So I proceedto tell Caleb that dying is not something we joke about. His response floored me. It came from a series of conversations we had over the past 6 months or so. He said (basically), “Daddy, when people die they get to go live with Jesus, and he makes it so they can never die again.” He was very correct in his statement (the fact that not all humans are Christians is a topic for a later day!). The implication was even more profound – Daddy, if that’s true, then why is death this horrible thing that people only whisper about? It’s true that when someone dies, those left behind must learn to carry on without the person that has been there for so long, and that is difficult beyond description. However, if Paul is correct,and to die is gain, and if Caleb is correct, which he is, and if life really is nothing more than a vapor in time as the Bible suggests, then shouldn’t there really be a more celebratory aspect to death? Do we really believe that to die is gain? Are we so self-centered that some small part of us can’t celebrate that facet of death? Deep down, are you scared of dying?
Camryn – tonight I was at home with Camryn before Amber got home. She has an ear infection and still doesn’t feel great. Her speach has recently sky-rocketed upward. Tonight, she looks at me at says, “Daddy, see-saw please!” Most people wouldn’t understand what she wanted. It took me a second, but I soon figured out – she wanted me to rock with her in the recliner. It made me think about our prayers, and how the Bible suggests that there are times when we don’t know, or even have the words to express something to our father, but when that’s the case, the Holy Spirit acts as our translator. Camryn doesn’t know how to ask me to rock with her – she doesn’t know that word. But she used what she knew, and because I’m her father, and she’s my child, the message was heard loud and clear. Not only that, but her feable attempt to ask me to rock with her was the most precious thing in the world. I think God feels the same way when we talk with him. The words don’t always come out right, and sometimes, they don’t even come at all. But it’s not the words, it’s the fact that we’re connecting relationally that pleases him. That is such a liberating realization as I attempt to live a life of prayer!
I ran across a song the other day that is so very descriptive of what I’ve been wrestling with lately. I refuse to get to the end of life and regret not doing something. I know that there is a balance between pressing forward and not letting life slip by without doing what you want to do, and not getting ahead of yourself or most importantly God. I do want to be sensitive to that balance. I guess I’m just at a place in life where my bigger concern of the two is missing something.
“He never thought he cared so much about the minute hand
Until he started praying for, a second chance
If he could only do it all again
He’d trade the long nights that he spent behind his desk
For all he missed
He tells his wife, “I wish that this moment in this room was not me dying, but just spending a little time with you.”
You only get just one time around
You only get one shot at this
One chance, to find out
The one thing that you don’t wanna miss
One day when it’s all said and done
I hope you see that it was enough, this
One ride, one try, one life…
To love….
She never thought she cared so much about those little hands
That held on tight the day she left
Til she was scared to death
Sitting all alone on a hotel bed, the end of the road
The sun had set on her big plans
To feel young again
She picks up the phone, dials the number, hears that little voice
That’s haunted every single mile, since she made that choice
You only get just one time around
You only get one shot at this
One chance, to find out
The one thing that you don’t wanna miss
One day when it’s all said and done
I hope you see that it was enough, this
One ride, one try, one life…
To love…………
You only get just one time around
Only get one shot at this
One chance, to find out
The one thing that you don’t wanna miss
One day when it’s all said and done
I hope you see that it was enough, this
One ride, one try, one life……..
One ride, one try, one life……..
To love….
To love….”
- One Life to Love, by 33miles
Mack Arrington is a good friend of mine that I’ve known only for about six months now. I can’t say I know him extremely well yet, but I do know that he will be an important part of my life some how in some way. He told me a story the other day that is very descriptive of my life over the past several months. I wanted to share it:
A man is walking along the edge of a cliff, and suddenly slips and falls. He manages to grab hold of a large root jutting our from the face of the cliff, but is too far over the edge to climb back up. He yells up to the top of the cliff, “HELP! Is anyone up there?” A voice responds, “Yes, I’m up here – it’s Jesus!” The man yells, “Great! Can you help me?” Jesus responds, “Absolutely! I just need you to let go of the root and trust me – I’ll make sure you don’t fall.” The man yells back up to the top of the cliff, “Is anyone else up there?”
I feel like Jesus is telling me that he wants to get me out of a place I’m stuck, but is asking me to let go so he can help me. Letting go is so hard – it’s easier to hang on and trust in your own ability, even though living in your own strength ultimately leads to your destruction. So often, Christians say that they’re willing to let go, but insist on a safety net. That’s not trusting in Jesus – it’s trusting in the net. I want to live my life trusting nothing but Jesus.
“Common sense is the enemy to a supernatural life.” – Oswald Chambers
I did today.
I was driving down the road on Thursday this past week, and heard a brief tribute to Harriet Tubman on the radio. It was a 30 second blip about her and how she would find slaves during the night and wold give them the address to a nearby safe house. Once at the safehouse, the slaves would be given the address to the next safehouse. This would continue until they found freedom. As I thought about it, that is exactly how God functions in our lives as well. At a time when we’re surrounded by darkness, he comes and provides us with the address that is our first step out of the dark and towards freedom. He does this both spiritually and practically. Spiritually, the first address is salvation. Practically, it usually involves turning away from something or engaging in something that will help us as we begin to walk this new path. Just like the slaves on the underground railroad, He never gives us more than the next address. We must trust that he knows the ultimate destination, and that the next address is on the route we need to be on. I can imagine that as a slave running toward freedom, they didn’t concern themselves much with where the ultimate destination was, as long as they were free when they got there. I think that is hard for Christians to do. We certainly want to be free, and want God’s best for us, but we want a say in the final destination at the same time, as though we know as well as God where it would be best for us to end up. I know that in my life right now, I have heard pretty clearly what my next address is both spiritually and practically. It’s not easy though – I don’t know what I’m going to have to walk through to get there – maybe cold, wet swamp land, or a field of briars. I suppose that’s why we only get one step at a time. If we knew ahead of time how long and difficultthe road is, we may never choose to leave. I wonder how many slaves would have never left had they known ahead of time all that their journey had in store for them as they pursued freedom?
That’s the title of the book I read a couple of days ago. It was a book that Amber brought home from work about managing change in your life. The book was given to her by her boss. I suppose he wants her to begin preparing for change – how little does he know! The book is only about 40 pages, so I read it in about 20 minutes. It is pretty good – it is a parable about four mice who are faced with change. I wasn’t so overly impressed with the book that I want to write an entire blog about it, but there was one question in the book that one of the mice asked himself when he was faced with having to find a new pile of cheese after the pile that he had grown accustomed to eating from had mysteriously disappeared. He dreaded having to go back out into the big maze and find new cheese – there would be many dead ends, dark places, and long journeys along the way. At one point, in an attempt to get over that which was crippling his ability to move forward, he asks himself, "What would I do if I were not afraid?" That is a priceless question! The question doesn’t suggest what you are afraid of. It leaves that to each ponderer of the question. So as I read that question, I was forced to preface that question with, "What am I afraid of?" I’m not talking about spiders, or snakes, or clowns (largest phobia in america). I’m thinking larger, more intangible things. In the context of this book, the answer was that which kept the mouse from fulfilling his ultimate purpose – to find the cheese. My ultimate purpose is to live intimately with God, and surrender to his call and plan on my life so that He can build his kingdom through me. The thing that I’m afraid of that is keeping me from my purpose is wondering whether or not I can provide my family with the life I think they want. I’ve always made life and career decisions based on my perception that it was my responsibility to provide my family with a nice (big) house, all the comforts money can buy, and moderate luxuries. First of all, that’s not really what they want. They want a husband and a father that is present and engaged. They want a model and a leader who is always encouraging them to follow me as I follow Jesus. They want to know that I always be there to fight for them. They want to know that I will unconditionally love them forever. Second, I, in my own strength, cannot provide anything for my family – tangible or intangible. God is the giver of all good things. If anything good is provided for my family, it is God, not me. Being afraid that my family won’t have all that they need and desire has handicapped my ability to run hard after the purposes in my life. Maybe it is a faith issue – if I run hard after my purpose, can I trust God enough to provide all that my family needs? Today I’m making a decision to trust God. He can provide all that I need, and more. So, what would I do if I were not afraid? I’d give my life to serving others and helping others understand their God-given purpose in life. What would you do if you were not afraid?
I’m ashamed to admit it, but there was a period in my life when I lied on a regular basis. They were never big lies, but anything other than the truth is a lie. Most often, I would stretch the truth in regard to the way I spent my time, how long it took me to do something, how long it was going to take me to finish something, or to get somewhere. I dismissed it as an inability to successful estimate time. I think a lot of men would say that this is true about them. I think they are really just lying and won’t admit it. But that’s not what I want to focus on in this blog. It has occurred to me over the past week or so just what the biggest lie ever told was. In fact, it is a lie still told everyday. Millions of people fall into the trap of believing that this lie as actually the truth, and it is costing us dearly. In fact, this lie was what cost us everything to begin with. So what is it? Adam and Eve lost everything because they believed Satan when he planted the lie in their head that they had not heard from God. He did it in the form of a question, which magnified its subtlety. He planted a question in their minds causing them to doubt whether or not they had truly heard from God. As you and I reflect on that dreadful day, we think that they must have been complete idiots to allow such thinking to take hold in their minds. Yet I caught myself today seriously entertaining the lie. I suspect many of you who read this will relate, if you take an honest look at yourself. Even today, Satan is continuously planting this lie in our minds causing us to question whether or not we’ve actually heard from God. A few days ago when I wrote the blog about hearing from God, I didn’t really explore this facet of that issue. I believe that there are many Christians in the world today who would say of themselves – I don’t think I hear from God. The truth is that they hear him often, but that they allow this lie to captivate their minds and it totally robs them of their experience of hearing from God. What’s the big deal you ask? The big deal is that when the validity of God’s voice in your life is called into question, it is nearly impossible to live a life of faith. If faith swells when we hear from God and have something as strong as the word of God to stand on, then that which prevents us from being confident that we’ve heard God also keeps faith from rising in our lives. That is a very serious issue!! The enemy has placed so many Christians in spiritual handcuffs that the church in America has become powerless. There is no faith because no one trusts that they’ve heard God. I’ve had to battle this lie viciously over the past couple of weeks. I’m hearing God unlike ever before, but the enemy wants me to think otherwise more than ever before. As I reflect on the two options, I’d rather believe I heard from God, act in faith, and be wrong, then to never act in faith because I was never quite sure that I had heard from God. What was the last thing you heard God say to you that was not contrary to scripture? Whatever answer first popped into your mind after reading that question – believe that it was God, and let there be a faith response. Don’t believe for one second that it wasn’t – conquer the lie!
For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, it goes back to my early days on MySpace. After creating my MySpace profile, I began a blog entitled beans, where I was sharing how an experience with my son at the Discovery Museum in Charlotte really painted a picture of a spiritual truth. However the blog was never completed, so many people have been left in the dark for over a year now. I’ve had one friend threaten to never read any of my blog posts if I didn’t complete "Beans." So for that guy, and all others who care to hear the much-hyped blog, here it is in its entirety.
As my son Caleb and I walked around the vast museum, we came across a display simply called "Beans." Caleb was extremely fascinated by this particular display, and I could understand why. It was a very complex system of levers, pulleys, cranks, slides, and buckets that allowed museum goers to transport beans from one place all the way back around to the same place. The system began by filling a bucket that was then lifted by pulleys onto a conveyor belt , which used a screw to transport beans to the top of a chute which landed in a chamber that used a second system of pulleys and buckets to transport the beans up an incline to a second chute that dumped them back out into the original pool of beans that’s used to fill the buckets that start the process over again. Caleb was old enough to understand how this thing worked, but wasn’t quite capable of actually making it work. Therefore, he needed my help. The first step of filling the buckets was accomplished using a large scoop. There were several large scoops available for people to fill buckets with. I grabbed a scoop and began filling a bucket. Caleb quickly observed what I was doing, and immediately began immitating what he was seeing. As I noticed, I gave instruction on how to efficiently fill the buckets. However, Caleb was just unable to scoop the beans and get any significant portion of those beans into the bucket. However, he was not discouraged one bit. In fact, he was delighted to be with his father, attempting to do what his father was showing him to do. The fact that he wasn’t actually filling up a bucket, and that his father was doing all the work for him didn’t bother him one bit. Nor did it bother me. I was absolutely delighted to have my son attempting to do what he saw me do, and was even more delighted to see that it brought him some sense of satisfaction.
So it is with our heavenly father. God is not about the results we produce. In fact, it is pretty clear throughout scripture that on our own, we can do nothing. It is always God who does good and accomplishes his purposes through us. What he really wants is his son or daughter to be engaged – to be emulating his or her father, and to find joy in doing so. That brings him joy. He’s getting the job done – it’s never us. However, most Christians don’t live that way. We live and do ministry as though it is our job to produce results. Whether you’re thinking spiritual results, financial results, ministry results, or any good result at all, we think it falls on our shoulders. Often, our attempt to produce costs us the very thing that God wants more than anything – that we simply draw near, do what we see him doing, and find joy in the doing, not in the done. What has God shown you lately that he’s asking you to copy? Don’t worry about getting right – just stay close to him and keep working at it – he’ll make sure the bucket gets filled with beans.
